The Hot Air Balloon

This week’s challenge from is to write a piece including the word ‘ass’, with the definition ‘often vulgar, a postpositive intensive especially with words of derogatory implication e.g. fancy-ass’.

Dear Mr H. A. Bloon,

Last Thursday, I treated my wife to a ride in your hot air balloon as a late birthday present. I assumed that we would have a lovely day in the air, assessing the sights of our local countryside.

How wrong was I?

The balloon’s ascend into the air was extremely turbulent. My wife felt somewhat queasy, and your assistant failed to assure us of our safety.

Once in the air, we tried to relax and enjoy the assorted colours of the large balloon, but our relaxed state was soon shattered after discovering that the balloon’s driver was asleep.

And as for the view? Instead of the rolling hills of lush, green, countryside we were expecting , all we could see was miles and miles of assembled protestors on some sort of march.

Frankly, the balloon ride was appalling. My wife’s birthday was ruined. I knew I should have bought her that watch instead. Be assured, my wife and I will not be travelling in your fancy-ass balloon again.

Yours sincerely,

A.S. Shole.